Friday, August 6, 2010

Third year stinks.

The first two years of med school were fun. Really fun. We absolutely love it here, have great friends, and Rick sometimes had long days or weeks at school, always followed by a celebratory weekend when the test was over. Well. Then third year started. Then Rick’s surgery rotation started. After seven weeks of living the life of a surgeon’s family, I can now see why people say the medical school thing is challenging. The past couple of months have been extremely stressful on our marriage, on our family, on my emotional stability, on the organization of our home, etc. etc. etc. I thought I could handle a busy husband, but for whatever reason I am struggling.

I’m trying to learn to keep my expectations low. (When he tells me when he’ll be home, add two hours.) I’m trying to learn to keep the house clean enough during the day so I’m not staying up late doing dishes. I’m trying to learn how to show love to my husband in 30 seconds per day. I’m really trying to learn to go back to sleep after his alarm goes off at 4 a.m. I’m trying to learn not to take it personally when virtually all of my husband’s time at home is spent fulfilling his church assignments and studying instead of listening to me talk about my day.

I’m grateful for my two little boys who keep me company while I’m trying to figure out how to live happily in a situation like this. One Monday night during the first weeks of this rotation, the boys and I sat down to do a family night. (We usually sing a song, say a prayer, have a short lesson from the scriptures, and then a family game and/or treat.) I was tired from a long day and perhaps a little emotional (surprise, surprise). As I started to tell the boys what we were going to do for family night, Carson quickly interrupted and said, “I’ll be the dad.” Then I really got emotional when I realized how perceptive and caring my little two-year-old was being. Carson welcomed us all to family night and led us in the song and the prayer. It sure is nice, at times like this, to have a little miniature of your husband.


DM Stafford said...

Hello!!! I totally know how you feel! Hang in there! I remember how strong you were as RS president back at byu and I know you are a strong mama and wife! If I know ne one that can do it its you!

Erika said...

When our kids were little my husband worked two jobs, a full-time job and then a partner in a construction company that caused him to work many long hours into the night most weeknights. That can be so draining on a mom with young kids who are so demanding all day and all night with no break in between. I remember being so stressed, putting on my happy face at church, and barely making it through sometimes. I remember having many teary talks with Ryan as he would be ready to head out the door to a job telling him to not go, that I need him, the kids need him, that he doesn't need to do this anymore, and it was a really hard period of our life. I feel your pain. But I can tell you're a strong one. Hang in there. It gets better as your kids get older. I have no clue about the medical school thing yet, but I appreciate hearing how it's going to help prepare me. Thank goodness we have our kids--I have a feeling mine will be carrying me through too!

JenSwen said...

Third year DOES stink. But not the whole thing! It stinks in spurts. And you can look forward to next year, the "vacation year." Isn't it so frustrating, though, when your husband is working 80+ hour weeks, and then when he comes home, he still isn't really THERE because he still has to study?? That was the worst part for me. And Scott didn't even have a demanding church calling like Rick. That is cute how perceptive Carson was. Hang in there and call me anytime.

JAMIE said...

I love your blog...I always want to tell you that, I read it all the time...Today I thought I would comment.

Medical school=fun stuff huh? Just learnin. OUr entire mairrage I think has been prep for medical school..

To be honest...The first two weeks of medical school is the first time IN OUR ENTIRE MARRIED LIFE THUSFAR that we have gone to bed at the same time. I feel like, from what you described, we have been living third year rotation life up till now!

I ccan't say I completely understand, but there have been times in the past 5 years where I truly felt like I was a single mom in every way possible....Times I wondered why I was even married since I was doing literally everything on my own ( and we hadn't even started medical school)...

Then there were other times, few times, where I didn't feel that way and it kept me going! I have a feeling it won't be so different a feeling when we are in our third year of school, actually kind of a prep for that.

So, having experienced a part of that life in a different way, let me just say--I know you can do it! You are one of the strongest people I know in the world. So many people look to you for quidance and council and being one of them.

The good news you know your husband is doing something that will beneift your family all tghat more in the future and that you both are strong.

Gotta love it! Thanks for your inspirign words all the time and being a true example. Sure love you!

Jewels said...

It sounds familiar. :) We've spent A LOT of time with Ben this summer - considering he still works all day. I'm really not looking forward to school starting again. Hang in there.

Sarah said...

Hang in there, Page! It's true, you are such a strong individual...and plus, you have the Lord on your side. If the Lord is going to support us in anything, it is in our families!!!! You'll be in our prayers!

Callie said...

Page, I just found your comment on a previous post! Sorry I missed it! To answer your question about the Blendtec... I'm sad to admit that my guilt got the best of me (and my frugality) and I took it back! I felt like I needed to work for it or actually have a birthday or something to earn it! :) I did love it for the little while that we had it and had fun experimenting. We used the recipes from the book included as a base and added a few changes here and there. I think the website has more recipes too. Brian's parents lent us their wheat grinder while their on their mission. So when they get home and we have to give it back, we'll probably consider the Blendtec again.

Anyways, hang in there. I can only imagine how tough it is not having Rick around! You are an inspiration though...seriously, if anyone can do it, you can!