I wanted to finish out this little "Survive and Thrive" challenge with a bang. For the past two straight days I feel like I've done nothing but sand, prime, paint, keep the kids from touching the paint, paint some more, wash paintbrushes and rollers, and paint even more. But when a friend put the piano back together for me tonight, instead of being thrilled with the result, I saw all the spots I had missed. And all the places where I applied the paint too thick. And where I got paint where it wasn't supposed to go. I will admit that I cried a little. I wanted to surprise Rick with a perfectly painted piece, and I have a splotchy, bumpy, but certainly turquoise piano.
Then I looked over at the wall where I had filled in all the nail holes and tried to fix the paint that had peeled off and realized that there, too, there are noticeable splotches. And then I started thinking about the past month's goals and how it all went: the car I cleaned that is a disaster again, the bow tie I made that everyone refused to wear, the cake stands that are a little crooked, how awfully unbalanced our meals have been over the past month (I think bread + cheese has been the base of 90% of our dinners: grilled cheese, cheese quesadillas, cheese pizza, pasta with cheese...), the budget I'm not keeping up with, the awful times when I lost my patience with Carson, the stack of papers I never went through, the scrapbooks I never even started, the closets I didn't organize, oh yeah and that time a few days ago when I backed out of the driveway with a car door open, totally smashing it against a concrete wall. Etc., etc., etc.
It's times like this when I go back and remember the night I knew I should marry Rick Otto. I was overwhelmed and discouraged by college-related responsibilities. I'm sure I was crying, although I don't really remember. But what Rick did was perfect. He didn't try to flatter me with compliments and reassure me that I was doing great. He didn't fix me a bowl of ice cream and tell me to forget about it all. He made me sit down and get out a paper and a pen. And we made a list. He would ask me to name all the reasons I felt like I was failing or things I was worried about. Then we would think up what we needed to do to overcome each challenge. When the list was done, suddenly I felt in control again. I probably didn't 100 per cent fulfill everything on that list, but it kept me going.
So, tonight I will make a list, and I'll quit thinking about all my failures. (The first thing on the list will be: have Rick help me fix the piano paint job!) I think the point is that we just keep going. It doesn't matter that my kids' shirts have permanent stains on them; I just keep washing them. It doesn't matter that my house is a mess again; I just keep cleaning it. It doesn't matter that my kids misbehave every day; I just keep loving and mothering them. I think God wants us to just keep going, and to have faith and hope that in the process my family and I will overcome challenges and become something great.
|New haircut + messy room. :)|